Another subject is given an onion and told that it’s the most delicious fruit he’s ever tasted. He munches it happily, commenting on its delectable sweetness.

How do these stories relate to our reality? What if we’re all hypnotized, stuck behind invisible walls that exist only in our minds? Suppose our preferences were actually colored by hypnotic programming and that what we felt we deserved was similarly the result of hypnosis. How would we know it? Could it be that our conviction that we’re fully awake is a misunderstanding of the facts? If so, how can we see through the illusion to embrace the limitless potential that awaits us? How can we discover and achieve what we really want, separate from the set of desires hypnotically imposed upon us, and predictably become fully engaged in life? How can we wake up?

What does it mean to be hypnotized?

The simple explanation that we hypnotists use says that the mind is divided into both a conscious and a subconscious part. The conscious mind is that part of our thinking that we’re aware of, and the subconscious mind is that part of our thinking that is below our awareness. The theory suggests that it’s the latter, the subconscious, which is more important in determining our behavior; that is, we end up making important decisions about what to do and how to interact with the world around us largely for reasons we never get to understand or to consider on a conscious level. The pathway through which those thoughts came to live in our subconscious mind is the result of hypnosis.

If you don’t think highly of yourself, or if you’re afraid of clowns, or if you’re a chain smoker, someone can tell you to think more highly of yourself, or that clowns aren’t scary, or that smoking is bad for you. Chances are, people have tried to tell you how to think or behave before, and it hasn’t worked. Why not? Because they were communicating with your conscious mind. To make an impact, a message has to reach deeper into the subconscious mind, and this requires techniques for bypassing the conscious mind. Think of your conscious mind as a sentinel, standing guard over your subconscious mind. It only allows thoughts to enter which are consistent with what you already believe. In order to slip in a new belief, you have to lull the guard to sleep. That’s what I do.

That’s also what’s been done to you by your parents, teachers, mentors, and society in general. When your guard was off duty, when you were too young or impressionable to fight it, messages were delivered to your subconscious mind, bypassing your critical faculty, the part of your conscious mind that deflects unwanted information. So, without your awareness or permission, you were hypnotized, and your subconscious mind is now full of stuff you didn’t put there and may not want. What are

the messages we’ve been hypnotized to believe? Everything from who we are in relation to our world, to what we want, to what we deserve, to what we’re capable of accomplishing. Sometimes, these things come into conflict with one another and suffering ensues. For example, you might have come to feel that you want great wealth, but also that you don’t deserve it or that you’re incapable of achieving it. Such a combination would result in significant psychological pain, and as long as your hypnotic programming remained intact, you’d be powerless over that pain.

Why don’t we feel hypnotized?

Does a fish see the water in which it swims? Of course not. The medium in which we live and have lived since we developed conscious perception is invisible to us. We think hypnosis should look a certain way, so we disregard all the evidence that indicates that we’re hypnotized. But being hypnotized doesn’t feel like anything. It’s just a condition of being conditioned. That’s it.

One of my favorite stories is about the child who slips into his grandfather’s bedroom and paints Limburger cheese, an extremely smelly cheese, onto his grandfather’s mustache while he sleeps. On awakening, the grandfather sniffs, considers a moment, and says, “This room smells like Limburger cheese!” He leaves the room and goes through the house, declaring that each room smells like Limburger cheese. Finally, he steps out onto the porch, sniffs, and cries, “Oh, my God, the whole world smells like Limburger cheese!”

I remember reading somewhere that we see the world, not as it is, but as we are. Like the grandfather in my story, what’s actually coming from us appears to be coming from everything around us. Our trance is so strong and compelling that we have no hope of seeing through it to the truth. This may seem like bad news, but knowing that we’re in a trance can liberate us. If we’re entrapped by our unconscious adherence to an illusion, it is our conscious recognition of that fact that will ultimately set us free. Gurdjieff, the esteemed philosopher, said, “The first step to escaping from prison is realizing you’re in prison.”

What is life like after hypnosis?

A life without hypnosis is a life of freedom. Buddhist notions of liberation and enlightenment derive from the concept that we’re living in illusion, and that, freed of that illusion, we experience joy, contentment, enthusiasm, love, compassion, and a whole host of other qualities that we’ve mistakenly sought elsewhere. It is possible to achieve liberation from our illusion, to wake up from our trance, to become unhypnotized.

With this possibility looming in front of us, the wise person has no choice but to dedicate him or herself to the pursuit of an awakened state. I counsel my clients to learn such tools as meditation and mindfulness in order to take advantage of the benefits they offer. Much is available now to help us go beyond the excuses we’ve used for not starting that journey, such as books, tapes, and classes.

None of the reasons you’ve probably used for failing to take these steps is viable, and no matter how big an obstacle you think separates you from practicing these skills, it’s simply not worth sacrificing your own vitality. By learning the tools of transformation, we can begin to wake up, start over, and create the life we’re meant to live.

Dr. Steve Taubman is a hypnotist and physician, and the author of UnHypnosis: How to Wake Up, Start Over, and Create the Life You’re Meant to Live. His writings and teachings are meant to guide people in the use of tools of transformation, and to bring esoteric spiritual principles down to earth so people can use them to improve their lives. You can learn more about UnHypnosis by visiting http://www.unhypnosis.com

When I came to live in England in 1996, I was shocked to discover that a crook had already hijacked my birth certificate and used it to collect my National Insurance card, credit card, and even opened a bank account. I also discovered I was purportedly married. Everywhere I went, I was told somebody was bearing my name. At a stage the authorities did not know who the real Dayo Olomu was. Fear hit me in the face and it nearly killed my dream. Though it took me two years to sort everything out but I resolved that fear will not kill my dream. Today the rest is history.

FEAR is an ancient topic in the history of human race. It is enough to make one sick. It causes some people a constant and gnawing pain in the pit of the stomach. Others drink more or smoke more because of fear. It has killed many dreams and ruined several careers than all other causes combined. The number one killer of our dreams at work and at home is fear.

The longer I live, the more I realize that fear is the worst enemy of the human species. And it’s been with us since the beginning. The Holy Bible, Torah and Koran spoke exhaustively about fear.

In fact, it seems the older we get the more prone we are to allowing fear to control our lives and destroy our dreams.

Stop and think about it. Most children are fearless unless an adult has already instilled fear in them. Teenagers and even young adults continue to display mostly courageous attitudes. But as we grow, we become more fearful. Perhaps we realise there is a lot at stake at that point. Any mistake could be life-changing. We should gradually become more fearless with age because wisdom, which usually comes with age, makes us more apt to see the truth in a situation.

That fear is a myth, a creation of a weak mind, is illustrated by this acronym: FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real.

I have many friends who were once seemingly fearless super-achievers; however, having reached their middle ages they have become more fearful that the quality of their lives have significantly suffered. They have surrendered their dreams and, literally their life to some type of fear – fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of change, fear of success, fear of making decisions, fear of responsibility, and/or fear of commitment. It is fear, and all of its cousins (such as worry, anxiety, depression, and self-doubt), that will turn your dream of success into a chilling nightmare that haunts you into psychological paralysis.

Often people say to me, ‘I can’t afford to pursue my dream because I don’t have enough money.’ I ask them how much they

need to pursue such dreams. Usually the answer is, ‘I don’t know, but I know I don’t have enough.’ The same with time. Are you complaining that you don’t have the time to pursue your dreams or that you are busy, while never actually scheduling an hour to see how you might break your dream into smaller projects? Jim Rohn, America’s foremost business Philosopher once said: “Don’t mistake movement for achievement. It’s easy to get faked out by being busy. The question is: busy doing what?”

Reiterating his words, Vic Johnson, founder of AsAManThinketh.net said “Fear can be defeated because fear is a learned response in the first place. It’s said that we were only born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Every other fear you have was learned!”

One of the greatest ways to conquer fear and keep our dream alive is to use our faith. To use the words of Professor Tam David-West, Nigeria’s former Petroleum Minister in an interview he granted to Nigeria’s ThisDay Newspaper on July 20, 1997, “Be not afraid. Hold on to your Faith with the buoyant hope and divine assurance that all will be well.” Personally, I find solace in the scripture which says “God has not given us the spirit of fear but the spirit of love, power and a sound mind.” Moreover, the word ‘fear not’ is recorded 365 times in the Bible, which means that everyday, there is one to use.

I am a believer in the philosophy of the mountain climbers who say, “I will climb the mountain. They have told me it’s too high, it’s too far, it’s too steep, it’s too rocky, and it’s too difficult. But it’s my mountain. I will climb it. You’ll soon see me waving from the top or you’ll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I’m not coming back.” Who can argue with such resolve? Jim Rohn once said: “When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see time, fate and circumstances calling a hasty conference and deciding, ‘we might as well let him have his dream’. He’s said he’s going to get there or die trying.”

One thing you must never allow fear to do is to stop you from achieving your dream. Never stop until all your dreams come true. Remember, obstacles and fear are the things you see when your eyes are off the target.

Dayo Olomu is a UK-based Motivational Speaker, Writer, Business/Life Coach, Trainer, Media Entrepreneur and Competent Toastmaster. His core belief is that we are all endowed with seeds of greatness, and his mission is to help individuals and organisations achieve their full potentials. He is the author of best selling “4 Indispensable Strategies for Success” and the President of Croydon Communicators Toastmasters. Get his FREE monthly Rise to the Top ezine by sending a blank email to subscribe@dayoolomu.com or visit his website at: www.dayoolomu.com

Does desire control the will, or will desire? The psychologist points to the testimony of consciousness as confirming our freedom to choose a certain course and to pursue it, with the feeling that we could choose some other course if we desired.

In either event, there is no feeling of compulsion, and this would seem to confirm the idea of freedom of will.

Let desire, then, be the starting-point of the student’s attempt to educate his will. To strengthen immediately his desire for a strong will, he should dwell intently upon the advantages this power will confer upon him. He should think deeply upon the satisfaction that will come to him from doing things definitely and promptly, and the increased self-confidence that will surely follow from the habit of finishing in a thorough manner everything he undertakes. By dwelling long and earnestly upon the inestimable value of a strong, well-directed will, there will grow in his mind an intense desire to possess this faculty, to use it

to his daily advantage, and finally by its aid to realize his life’s ambition.

There are many things we desire to avoid, such as poverty, pain, misfortune, and ill-health; while there are things we much desire to have, such as wealth, power, knowledge, and independence. It is, however, the intensity of our desire that counts for most.

“I desire to become a good public speaker,” says one. “How strong is your desire?” asks the teacher. “Will you practice regularly every day for an hour?!” “I don’t think I can,” says the student, “because my time is so much occupied during the day, and at night I am too tired.” “What personal sacrifices are you ready to make?” “None,” is the answer. “Then,” replies the teacher,

“Your desire is not strong enough to make you a good public speaker.”

This applies with equal force to you who read these pages in search of help to develop your self-confidence.

How strong is your desire to acquire this great power?

Is it strong enough to lead you carefully to read all the suggestions offered here and to put them into actual practice?

Will you enter upon this study with intense earnestness and perseverance?

Will you make reasonable sacrifice to achieve this great end?

Your answer to such questions as these will largely determine what your success will be.

Leigh Everett

http://www.Develop-Self.com

Having lived more than 1,475,776,800 seconds myself, it is astounding to consider the miriad of turns that life could have taken with each new thought that I had at each moment.

Every action and consequential events are all based on singular thoughts that you have had or that another person had in relationship to you. So now, who thinks that they are caught in a trap and have limited options? You’ve likely heard it often…change your thoughts and you change your life. Think about this… (pardon the pun) and you’ll know it to be the absolute truth about every aspect of your past.

Initially, you may hear this as bad news. Especially when you’re now 100% responsible for every thing that is showing up in your life. Yet consider the notion more closely and in fact it’s probably the most empowering idea that you could accept as a fact, if you’re wanting some choice in the matter of where your experience of life takes you next.

You see the good news is that we have it within our power to change the thoughts and beliefs that flow through each day. It’s all a matter of habits and shifting what’s usual, comfortable and familiar to us. You’ve heard the saying, “To have different you need to do different.” Our doing is sourced in our thinking so be careful where you take those thoughts and be aware of what you accept as ultimate truths. The Earth may not be as flat as you believe!

I believe that I have shared the following with you before, however you may see something else it it for yourself if I expose it to you for re-reading:

“Rightness: Long ago, a brilliant psychologist proved that if you present a rat with 3 tunnels, only one of which has some cheese in it, the rat would explore all the avenues until he finds the cheese. And, after reinforcement, he will ignore all non-cheese tunnels, and go down only the one with the payoff. Then, if you take away the cheese, he will soon learn that it’s gone, and will begin to explore all tunnels again, looking

for the reward. Human beings, in stark contrast, will go up a tunnel looking for whatever ‘cheese’ the situation is, never get any, but they proceed to go up that same tunnel for a lifetime. And what’s driving them is reasonableness, or rightness. That is, they get to say to themselves, quite logically: ‘I saw cheese go up that tunnel. It’s got to be up there. I’ll find it, goddam it, if it takes me a lifetime.’ So they get to spend a lifetime without cheese, but always being able to explain (to wives, friends, acquaintances anyone who will listen) that they’re up a very reasonabl tunnel. And they find people to agree that the cheese really belongs up that tunnel. (Those people are called really close friends!) If you’re running your life up a tunnel (or a series of them) with no ‘cheese’ for you; you’re beginning to get what I’m driving at: that running your life being right is pointless and I don’t mean that what you’re doing is wrong; I simply mean it doesn’t work, and that should be the main criterion.” ~From EST: Playing The Game The New Way written by Carl Frederick in 1972~

If what you are doing is not working then get it working or get it out of there! If you are not producing the results that you are wanting to produce then it’s time to explore your deeply held beliefs and to begin looking at where you are ‘being right’ about something, which in fact may be nowhere near right for the direction you’re wanting to go.

You can change the direction in which you’re heading, in a jiffy! A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Determine desired intentions and decide to produce specific results. Regularly focus on your intentions. Be vigilant with your language (in mind or voiced). Track your progress and reward the forward steps. Know if an action or non-action is moving you toward or away from your intended outcome.

2005 © Thea Westra is an international life coach who resides in Perth, Australia. She is editor and publisher of a free, monthly newsletter which you can receive by going to her website http://www.forwardsteps.com.au She also publishes a blog called Triggers http://forwardsteps.blogspot.com

Here are a few kindness motivation tips from the E-book, “101 Ways to Change the World”. Most of these motivation tips involve some exercise, so you and your friends will get an extra “fitness” bonus along with the fun and fellowship!

1. Take your lunch break to clean up trash instead of eating your usual lunch. Enlist the help of other employees or friends to do the same. You can really make a difference in how your workplace or town will look.

2. Make a regular date with your family or friends to go out at least one hour a week to clean trash around:

3. Get the kids involved

4. Refurbish and repair toys that will then be given to needy children.

5. Plant a neighborhood garden – with everyone taking part in caring for it.

6. You and a group of friends buy daffodil and tulip bulbs in the Fall when they are the least expensive. Plant them at your school, church, neighbor’s house, or anywhere their beauty can spread good feelings of kindness.

You may never know what one little kindness from you can produce in the world. The ripple effect of one kindness leading to another can flow around the world. Spread the word. Let’s start a kindness revolution and make a difference using these motivation tips!

Author Ginny Dye shares practical acts of kindness that will make a difference in our world. Get an additional 96 tips on how you can make a difference by going to http://www.101WaysSeries.com and request “101 Ways to Change the World”.

IN Fitness Tips – diet plan, exercises, weight loss and gain muscles latest information.

Recently we had a couple come to us for help. They had been married for only three weeks. With arms folded, one sat at one end of the couch and the other at the other end. They were very angry; ready to end the marriage there and then!

Child and spouse abuse is rarely a premeditated thing; in most cases it follows a situation where anger pushes aside common sense and lashes out at the first thing it sees. Tragically, that ‘first thing’ is often a loved one.

In order to help this couple we had to find out what caused them to be so angry with each other. Both of them displayed the very thing that we believe is the root cause of not all, but a lot of anger. Fear!

Fear is a close relative of anger

Perhaps that is a foreign concept to you. Neither the husband nor wife could see the root cause of their anger until we were able to point it out to them. Anger seems to do that to you. It blinds you from the truth! It causes you to look for someone else to blame. I always say once you are able to see and own the real cause of your problem you are over half way to solving it.

Sometimes fears hide themselves and you have to look closer. For example a man likes to succeed, right? Push his buttons and see if he doesn’t react as a result of a fear of failure.

A woman likes to be affirmed, right? Push her buttons and see if she isn’t deep down afraid of rejection. Come on, we all like to be accepted whether it is through what we do or how we look.

In the husband’s case he had been married twice before and both times he had lost a lot of money. Fear of it happening again was the root cause of his outbursts of anger.

Of course, those sudden flare-ups of temper, while destructive enough, are not the most vicious forms of anger. Much more deadly is the “controlled burn”, the seething crater of hatred and spite contained within the heart and fed daily with fresh accusations, either real or imagined. Given the right set of circumstances, one might lash out and in the process bring hurt where none was intended.

In the Bible the apostle Paul spoke not of the possibility of anger, but of what to do in its presence. “Go ahead and be angry”, he said in Ephesians 4:26. “But don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry, and don’t go to bed angry.” (The Message)

If we are very hurt and very angry, our anger can overcome us – like the couple that came for help. What do we do

then? Although there is much written on anger management I feel the most important of all is to forgive the person who has hurt you and deal with the cause of your anger.

Why is it important to forgive when you have been wronged?

Forgiveness releases you

In the Bible Jesus said: “Forgive and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37). The literal translation of this Bible verse is ‘release and you will be released’.

If you really forgive someone, you no longer blame that person, even though they may be blameworthy. If you do not blame a person, you cannot resent them. If you do not resent them you cannot hold any bitterness in your heart. If you do not hold bitterness then you do not get all emotionally tied up with anger and hate towards that person.

Forgiveness is a Choice

In Biblical terms, forgiveness is the loving, voluntary cancellation of a debt. It is like when someone ‘owes’ you, but you choose to cancel the debt. (Matthew 18:24-43)

It does not matter how long ago the hurtful event occurred, how wrong they are or how many times we are hurt. The Bible says we must forgive them so God can bless and forgive us. “If you forgive others their sins, your Father in heaven will also forgive you your sins.”

Do not use the excuse that you are waiting until you feel like forgiving or until they ask for forgiveness – it will probably never happen. It only hurts you if you continue to let your emotions rule your life. Forgiveness is a choice!

Deal with the root cause of anger

As mentioned earlier we all have expectations in life, whether it be to succeed or be accepted. When these are blocked we can become frustrated and angry. Several things can trigger anger, but they may not necessarily be the real cause of your outbursts. A good doctor or counselor will be able to help you understand what is the root cause of your anger.

As mentioned, there is a definite link between fear and anger. What can I do about it once my fears are recognized?

The moment I began a personal relationship with God and became his child I was allowed to enjoy all the privileges a child would receive. I had his love. God has promised that his love will drive fear away. “Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives fear out.” (1 John 4:18)

By allowing God to fill you with his love you too can conquer your fears. Whether it is a fear of failure or fear of rejection you can be secure in his love knowing that he will help you to succeed and meet your deep inner needs if you allow him.

International traveller, author, and speaker, Wilma Watson has been helping people overcome life’s challenges for over 35 years. Her encouraging words have helped thousands reach their full potential. Wilma is the producer of a unique website that makes spirituality fun and simple. Visit her site at http://www.ydyc.org

Very few actually describe procrastination as exhilarating. I for one, fall in the “procrastination is stressful” category. However, procrastination can be used to advantage if you understand why you procrastinate.

So, why do we procrastinate? Some might conclude that it is laziness but the men and women that I spoke with hardly fall into that category. In most instances their reasons for procrastination included one of the following:

1. Guilt -I just don’t want to do it

2. Inadequacy -I don’t know how to do it or I’m afraid I won’t do it well

3. Fear -I’m afraid of what the outcome might be or I’m uncertain of the outcome

4. Irrelevant -It’s not important to me

5. Time Management -I have plenty of time to get this done

6. Perfectionism -I won’t be able to meet my high standards

7. Ambiguity -I’m not sure what needs to be done

Many of the individuals I spoke with told me that they often experience at least one or a combination of these factors when procrastinating. So, is it hopeless? Of course not! Some of the most successful people I know procrastinate and are still successful in completing tasks. Here are some tips that you can use.

First, identify and acknowledge what is causing you to procrastinate in the first place. Write it down and analyze it. This will help you put your concerns for completing a task or job into

perspective. Then, visualize yourself completing the task successfully. Athletes have long been known to visualize themselves in making a difficult shot or winning a competition. This can certainly work for you.

Once you have analyzed your reasons for procrastination, then break the task down into manageable components. Often the overall job can be overwhelming but once you begin to break it down, tasks have a way of becoming more manageable and doable. In addition, this allows you to determine if there are components that you can delegate or components where others can coach you or provide you with other kinds of support.

And finally, determine what it will take to motivate you to complete the task at hand. Having a meaningful reward mechanism in place helps. One woman I spoke with said, “If I didn’t create opportunities to reward myself, I would never get the tasks completed.” For some tasks it might be as simple as allowing yourself to take a break upon completion, for another it might be treating yourself to a special lunch or a special purchase. Whatever it is, find something that is meaningful for you.

Understanding why you procrastinate and then employing some of these tips will help you take the stress out of getting things done. So, what are you waiting for?

Note: For the record, I’m delighted to report that I did NOT procrastinate in writing this article!

Regina Barr is a business consultant with a passion for helping companies develop their full potential by focusing on their most valuable asset: their people. For more information on her programs and services, check out her website, http://www.RedLadder.com and sign up for her free email newsletter, Developing People…Inspiring Success.

There is no unconditional yes. Whenever you say yes, you’re also uttering a background no. Whenever you allocate time to one pursuit, you say no to everything else you could have done with that time.

Not too long ago, Blockbuster Video initiated a “no late fees” policy. In a way they’re saying yes to their customers who complained about having to pay late fees when returning a movie after the due date. But this policy has a side effect. Because there are no late fees, customers keep movies they’ve rented for a longer period of time before bothering to return them. So now when you go to Blockbuster to rent the latest releases, which used to be stocked abundantly, they’re more likely to be all picked out. The videos are in people’s houses instead of on the store shelves. I’ve heard Blockbuster employees apologizing for this policy on numerous occasions, usually in response to customer complaints that the new releases can’t be rented. The value of knowing you could go to Blockbuster Video and rent whatever you wanted is no longer there.

By saying yes to one group of customers (those who had problems with late fees), Blockbuster is simultaneously saying no to another group (those who value availability first and never had a problem returning a movie on time). Now if I were the VP of Marketing for one of Blockbuster’s competitors, I’d charge ahead with some sort of “guaranteed in stock” campaign to begin saying yes to those customers Blockbuster just bailed on.

There’s always a trade off when you say yes.

The word no often gets a bad

rap, but realize that every yes includes a no, and every no includes a yes.

When you say yes, are you saying yes to your own best goals and plans while saying no to what’s less important?

Other people may pressure you to say yes, but before you do so, take a look at the no you’ll have to bear. Do you say no to your family in order to further your career? Do you say no to good health habits in order to fit in with your peers? Do you say no to setting your own goals in order to say yes to the reactive bait others lay before you?

If you want to say yes to what’s really important to you, you can expect to hear yourself saying the word no a lot more often.

When you say no, usually the person who hears it will react negatively, sometimes mildly, sometimes strongly. Don’t let that bother you — their reaction has a lot more to do with them than it does with you. If they push you too much, I suggest you simply turn it around on them by emphasizing the no that would accompany the yes. For example, “Why are you asking me to say no to my family, my health, my goals, and so on, just so I can say yes to your request?”

If it’s not what you truly want, say no.

Copyright © Steve Pavlina

Steve Pavlina

Personal Development for Smart People

http://www.stevepavlina.com

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog (blog)

http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles (articles)

Steve is intensely growth-oriented. He trained in martial arts, ran the L.A. Marathon, and graduated from college in three semesters with two degrees. He can juggle, count cards at blackjack, and make damn good guacamole. Steve is also a polyphasic sleeper, sleeping just 2-3 hours per day and only 20 minutes at a time. So chances are good that he’s awake right now.

You know the feeling – you’re not happy with a situation, you know it could be better, you’ve even tried to make it better. But all of your best efforts still end with the “same old-same old” feeling – STUCK!

Well, you are not alone, it’s a very big club.

In fact, when I ask this question in seminars, just about everyone raises their hand. I have a strong suspicion hose who don’t raise their hand are the folks who would never raise their hand in public no matter what I ask.

If so many folks feel this way, then why aren’t more people finding ways to get unstuck. The simple answer is that we are not taught how to solve this problem. There’s isn’t a course that I’m aware of called Getting Unstuck 101.

So we wind up doing the same things, that don’t work, over and over again and expect different results. It’s similar to what we do when we get our car stuck in the sand, mud or snow: if we don’t get out on the first try, we spin our wheels, digging the hole deeper and deeper and we get “stucker and stucker.”

Another good illustration of staying stuck can be found in a story called “What to Do When Your Horse Dies.”

If the horse you’ve been riding has died, then get off the horse!

But instead of getting off, we try:

•buying a stronger whip

•switching riders

•trying a new bit or bridle

•moving the horse to a new location

•saying “this is the way we’ve always ridden this horse”

•form a commission to study the horse

•visit other places where they ride dead horses more efficiently

•blame the horse’s parents

•complain about the state of horses these days.”

Why in the world would we try any of the above solutions with a dead horse? Yet we do it all the time. In our stubbornness, we keep trying to solve a problem with

the exact same kind of thinking that created the problem in the first place.

How to Get Un-Stuck

Now for the good stuff – the tools and solutions. Here are just a few suggestions:

Albert Einstein said it much better than I ever could: “You can’t solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created the problem.”

We all can change our thinking by asking better questions.

Change the lame sounding-dead roach-victim whining “why does this always happen to me-it’s not fair-what did I do to deserve this” garbage question to “in how many ways can I creatively get unstuck while benefiting myself and others and enjoy the process?”

Use unusual, creative, silly, never-tried-it-that-way-before solutions. Remember that “every unattempted solution fails.”

Ask for help. I know this idea sounds so un-American-I can do it myself-I can handle it-I don’t need any one-proud and independent blather, but it works, just about every time. Just make sure you ask the right people: instead of asking those that are just as stuck as you, ask those who have been where you are and found their way to the other side.

A word of caution, however. While there is much to gain by getting un-stuck, there are a few things you must be prepared to give up as well. Things like:

•not being responsible/accountable for where you are

•no one expecting anything from you

•the helpless victim role

•the security and safety of the familiar

But if you are ready to give these things up, then let’s get going, it’s time to get unstuck and go live. It’s like the old saying, “a ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not for what ships are made.”

Happy sailing, and keep the change!

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And they are missing the boat.

What truly moves us as human beings, what prompts us into action, is emotion. Imagination is the conduit of emotion and well-crafted storytelling carries the imagination.

Consider this story:

You place your hand on top of your head, only to feel the sun radiate from your scalp. Sweat trickles down your back and the once ironed shirt clings to your sides. The pavement roasts your feet even through your thick-soled shoes. You’ve been walking for a 45 minutes, trying to find the office where you are scheduled to make a sales call. Suddenly, a swoosh of cold air swirls at your side as a young couple comes charging out of an ice cream parlor, licking swirls of raspberry and vanilla perched in a sugar cone…

I’ll bet you’re ready for some ice cream!

What engaged you was the reliving of a common experience. I didn’t need to itemize the benefits of cooling off or list the features of ice cream and this particular store. You were drawn in by your imagination. Facts tell. Emotion sells. You imagined how you would win over the odds of heat by taking a break for ice cream.

We follow leaders who capture us by stories that draw us in and give us purpose for being part of the company. We buy products when we see or read of the human experience with that product. (Remember the Maytag Man?) And we accept the call to action if we

hear a compelling story about triumph over odds. Think about the solicitation letters you get from non-profits. They are often stories of individuals who suffered greatly until the non-profit’s “product” allowed them to regain a semblance of their life.

In short, crafting compelling, honest stories that resonant core values in action is a skill worth learning by any leader, manager, sales executive, or parent.

In his best-selling book Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting, Robert McKee, the world’s best-known and most respected screenwriting lecturer, argues that stories “fulfill a profound human need to grasp the patterns of living-not merely as an intellectual exercise, but within a very personal, emotional experience.” Or as USC leadership guru Dr. Warren Bennis states, “Man cannot live without story any more than he can live without bread.”

What’s the point you want to make at your next meeting? Is there a story that can be crafted to that point-not a sermon to be intoned?

Who has used your product and reported a wonderful story that came as a result of that product? Or did you even say, “Tell me a story…”

What stories are told in the coffee room about what it is like to work where you are? What contribution could you make to this story that could improve the ending?

What future do you want? Create a story about it.

Remember, people are not inspired to act by reason alone. The heart holds hands with the head.

© 2003 by Eileen McDargh. All rights reserved

About The Author

Eileen McDargh is an author, radio commentator, organizational development consultant, acclaimed international speaker, and retreat facilitator. Eileen is the author of four books and is a frequent contributor to numerous business journals. Visit her web site www.eileenmcdargh.com or contact her toll free at 877-477-4718; Eileen@EileenMcDargh.com